Flow or Go Home
Everyone gets hurt by rejection from someone they considered a potential friend- that feeling that someone thinks you're not good enough to hang out with them. Or worse, the feeling that NOBODY thinks so. It's not an easy thing to deal with, but I've found an easy way to turn it around.
I got the idea while reading a magazine article about a gang of punk skateboarder girls from LA called The Hags. They had a simple motto when it came to who could join their group, "Flow or go home". This meant that if someone wasn't down with their "flow"- their vibe, the way they lived and did things, then they weren't welcome. Simple.
These girls were badass. They lived for skateboarding, punk shows, and going on crazy adventures. And one rule of the group was that every new member had to make their own patch with the group's logo on it, to sew on the back of their jacket. Each person had do DIY their own unique handmade version of the group's logo. It was a way of testing- if the person was too lazy to make a simple patch that showed they wouldn't make a good member. Also, if someone was a snob, too lazy to go skateboarding or attend group meetings, they obviously weren't down with the Hag's "flow" and were summarily booted out. The leader didn't sit around sulking and feeling sorry for herself if someone flaked on her- they didn't meet her standards, so she didn't want them.
So in your search for friends, switch your thinking around. Figure out what YOUR standards are instead of worrying if you live up to somebody else's. Don't fret about gaining someone's approval- scrutinize people and see if they deserve yours.
One example from my life- I once was shopping and had some girl come up to me and start a conversation- we found out we had a lot in common, especially spiritual books. I had some other errands to do so I told her I had to go but she went "Wait! We should definitely continue this talk again sometime!" Then proceeded to give me her contact info, which I didn't ask for. Then a while later on Facebook Messenger I asked if she had any free time lately, I could see that she read the message, and then she just logged out. Next time I ran into her she had this "Fuck off, I don't want to know you" kind of attitude. Which was dumb, because if you don't want random people contacting you, you shouldn't tell them to do so.
At first I was down about this, but then set my standards- I want friends who are genuine, reliable, and up for a good time. I realized that someone who didn't show an inch of creativity or basic courtesy, and tells people to make plans with her and then ditches them is none of those things. She didnt' meet my standards, so she's out. With friends, be like a recruiter for the Marines- they only select the best of the best.
So when meeting new people, think- what are YOUR standards for the people you want to spend your time with? Judge their actions- does the person in question live up to them? If not, you know what to do.
I got the idea while reading a magazine article about a gang of punk skateboarder girls from LA called The Hags. They had a simple motto when it came to who could join their group, "Flow or go home". This meant that if someone wasn't down with their "flow"- their vibe, the way they lived and did things, then they weren't welcome. Simple.
These girls were badass. They lived for skateboarding, punk shows, and going on crazy adventures. And one rule of the group was that every new member had to make their own patch with the group's logo on it, to sew on the back of their jacket. Each person had do DIY their own unique handmade version of the group's logo. It was a way of testing- if the person was too lazy to make a simple patch that showed they wouldn't make a good member. Also, if someone was a snob, too lazy to go skateboarding or attend group meetings, they obviously weren't down with the Hag's "flow" and were summarily booted out. The leader didn't sit around sulking and feeling sorry for herself if someone flaked on her- they didn't meet her standards, so she didn't want them.
So in your search for friends, switch your thinking around. Figure out what YOUR standards are instead of worrying if you live up to somebody else's. Don't fret about gaining someone's approval- scrutinize people and see if they deserve yours.
One example from my life- I once was shopping and had some girl come up to me and start a conversation- we found out we had a lot in common, especially spiritual books. I had some other errands to do so I told her I had to go but she went "Wait! We should definitely continue this talk again sometime!" Then proceeded to give me her contact info, which I didn't ask for. Then a while later on Facebook Messenger I asked if she had any free time lately, I could see that she read the message, and then she just logged out. Next time I ran into her she had this "Fuck off, I don't want to know you" kind of attitude. Which was dumb, because if you don't want random people contacting you, you shouldn't tell them to do so.
At first I was down about this, but then set my standards- I want friends who are genuine, reliable, and up for a good time. I realized that someone who didn't show an inch of creativity or basic courtesy, and tells people to make plans with her and then ditches them is none of those things. She didnt' meet my standards, so she's out. With friends, be like a recruiter for the Marines- they only select the best of the best.
So when meeting new people, think- what are YOUR standards for the people you want to spend your time with? Judge their actions- does the person in question live up to them? If not, you know what to do.
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